The loving memory of the girl whom i loved, yet fate took her away from me..
“Tere jaane ka asar aisa hua mujhpar,Tujhe dhoondte dhoondte, maine khud ko paa liya...”
The window pane on my right was open and i could see the moon and the stars shining in the sky. The words were still echoing in my head “We are trying our best but there is no guarentee that she will survive” the nurse had said.
My angel was calm and unconscious. I kept staring at her face for a while. In my heart, i had talked to her. ‘I will come back and you will see when you open your eyes..i wont let anything happen to you.’ I had kissed her hand before leaving the hospital.
I kept staring at the sky for hours before i felt tired enough to sleep. I could feel my eyes getting heavier. I leaned my head and rested for a while.
And then after several minutes, something strange happened. Something which i could not believe. Shuffling in my sleep, i turned to my left. And i was speechless for the next second.
She was sitting right beside me
My shocked eyes kept staring at her. I tried to speak but could not. Hundreds of questions ran through my mind in that one instant and I could not decide which one I should ask first.
She smiled. The incident had left no marks on her face or her body. She appeared so beautiful. Just like she had always been. She was wearing her favourite blue saari. I was stryggling to understand how this could be.
Very innocently she put her hand to my forehead, sliding it down to my cheek and resting it there. Then she asked me, ‘How are you dear?’
I tried to speak but my mouth was dry. I swallowed. ‘I don’t believe this. You were…how…?’ Those questions remained incomplete.
‘I know what you are wondering . But I am here for you. Only for you.’ She said .
‘But you were far away from me..in apollo…unconscious…’ I was trying to accept whatever I was seeing.
Gently she kept answering my queries, ‘Shona! I can never be away from you. I was always here, and will always be here. Right beside you, forever. ‘
I could see her love for me in those eyes. Something in me started believing that whatever was happening was true. I was comfortable and delighted.
After a few moments of silence I spoke,’ I missed you so much. For two weeks I couldn’t talk to you and you were…’
‘Shhhh!’ She held her fingers to my lips, not allowing me to speak further. ‘I know you’ve been missing me. I am sorry shona. Thats why, despite all obstacles, i have come to you’
She kissed me.
And then she had a small box in her hands. I watched her as she opened it in front of me. It was the ring she had got for me. With her beautiful smile she brought the ring out and looking up she took my hand.
‘But we will be doing this in front of everyone na?’ I asked her.
‘Nah. I can’t wait that long.’ She said and poked my cheeks.
‘I don’t have much time’ she said with her smile faded a bit.
‘What do you mean you don’t have much time?’ I asked
‘Shh..you ask too many questions,’ she said, sweetly tweaking my nose. And then looking straight into my eyes, she continued, ‘Because I am dying to be yours…Hey handsome! Will you marry me?’
In that moment of happiness I could not utter anything. I just nodded.
She slid that beautiful ring onto my third finger and to my surprise I noticed the ring that I got for her was already on her finger.
I hugged her and kissed her forehead. We held hands. After few minutes of romantic silence she recalled of something.’Why did you skip your dinner? You are hungry na.’
‘No I am not,’ I said but she didn’t believe me and opened her bag to get a lunchbox out.it was the tiffin box she always carried on her trips.
‘See what I have made for you.’
‘Hey! Rajma Chawal!’ I almost shouted.
With her own hands she fed me my favourite dish. We kept talking. She, more than I. We shared the last bite after which she said to me,
‘Don’t skip your meals. You have to take care of yourself..’
I didn’t reply. I was felling her hands on mine.
‘Promise me,’ she said.
‘What?’ I asked, distracted, making irregular figures on her palm with my fingers, playing with her ring.
‘Promise me you will take care of yourself…Always.’
Mysteriously she replied ‘Because I may not be able to bring Rajma Chawal for you all the time.’ And she laughed gently as she stroked my cheeks and kissed my forehead. I felt something different in that kiss. Something tense and rushing.
I took her in my arms when she said,’Shona! Thank you for giving me the love of my life.You will always be mine. Even if I am far away.’
I didn’t say anything but kissed her hair. We didn’t talk much. I wanted her to rest. After so long, we had these moments together. Some more time passed. And then..all of a sudden, I felt something hard against my head.
What was that, I could not understand. For a few seconds I struggled to open my eyes. A gust of wind brought me completely out of my sleep. I realized—the ring was missing from my finger. I immediately turned to my left looking for her.but she wasn’t there. Igot scared. I stood up and looked here and there in order to find her.
The cellphone on the bed suddenly started to ring. The call was coming from her number.
I checked the watch. It was 4 a.m. It was an odd time to call.
‘It must be urgent,’ I thought and picked up the phone. ‘Hello?’
But I didn’t get response from other side, though I could hear somebody’s breath.
‘Uncle?’ I spoke.
‘Beta…’ Her dad’s voice from the other hand came.I was scared as his voice was low and sad. My heart started beating faster.
He spoke after a long silence.
‘Beta…she is no more. She left us a few minutes back’ Uncle said.
‘But she was here with me a few minutes back…’ I heard someone inside me screaming but not a sound came out.
Something heavy stuck my heart and I fell back on the bed. I closed my eyes as the cellphone fell down from my hand and tears paved their way down my cheeks. Some kind of coldness crawled within me. My muscles could not move. My brain went numb. ‘No..no..no this can’t happen. .she can’t leave me just like that..no’ was the only mumbling coming from my mouth. I yelled in pain.Yelled for someone to come and hold me in their arms.I lost control over myself.
After that..I searched for something that can erase my memory.
Stabding under the shower, you will cry hard but nobody will hear you. The splashing of the shower will mask the sounds of your sobbing. Your lofe will appear worse than death!
Her memories..voice..smiles..were the only thing left with me. At times I feel like a drug addict who badly needs his next hit. But atleast addict has his drugs…I felt suffocated. As if something was stopping my breath.
I got scared of things. I don’t know what they were but they wouldn’t let me sleep. And like a kid I’d rush to mom who would pat on my forehead. Still for hours, I would stare at the fan rotating above me.
If ever i fell asleep, i would wake to nightmares, screaming.
The time was always 4 a.m.